A Slice of Life is a weekly blog hosted by Two Writing Teachers, Ruth Ayers and Stacey Shubitz. Click on Two Writing Teachers to be taken to their website to learn more about this week's Slice of Life.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
I have a full time job. I mentor 1st and 2nd year teachers in my school district. Wait a minute! I'm a wife and mother of a three year old. I have two full time jobs. :o) However, just over two weeks ago, I applied for another job that would change my full time mentor job to half time while I take on the responsibility of coordinating a grant for the other half of my job.
I ended up being hired for the grant coordinator position and am pretty excited about it. In Oregon, we have SB290, which changes parts of teacher and administrator evaluation significantly. The grant, known as the Collaboration Grant, provides money, in essence, for my school district to implement a blueprint that we designed the past two years in order to align evaluation, professional development, career opportunities, and compensation. It is truly a collaborative effort between the teachers' union, building & district administrators, the superintendent, and the school board. I feel strongly that my school district is making great strides in building and sustaining a comprehensive and continuous system of school improvement and organizational growth. As a 20 year educator in my school district, I see great potential in the opportunities for personal and professional growth through this work.
The half of my mentor job that I am vacating for the remainder of the school year has already been filled by a colleague that I admire and respect. But, now I look at the 21 beginning teachers I mentor and I have to determine who I "give up" to go to the new mentor. It reminds me of the time that students from two classrooms were divided up and put into a new classroom in order to lower class sizes after the school year started (there were 37 students per class that year in 3rd grade-ouch!). It's gut-wrenching to realize that the people you've developed relationships with, the "kids in your classroom", are going to someone else.
There's a transition that goes with leaving one job and going into another. Right now, it feels like adding a job on top of another one until the logistics get figured out. I have another colleague, that has coordinated the grant in the past and is AH-MAZING, who is extremely helpful and supportive, but I have this incessant need to do it myself...
Which brings me to my next thought: the grant coordinator shoes I'm filling are large. I start to experience self-doubt - am I good enough? Will I do the position justice? I am coordinating how much money (more than I did as a building principal)? What did I just get myself into?
And, another layer is the coursework I'm taking...that I'm required to take in order to maintain my administrator credential. A credential that I am not even using right now (Sense the whiny tone? Snap out of it, right?!). Truth is that I may need that credential again so I NEED to make sure that I am current and legit.
The final layer is missing out on things that are important to me - time with my daughter (honestly, 24 hours in a day is not enough with her :o)) & husband, time to clean my house or cook a home cooked meal (not out of a box), time for reading & writing, time for my blog. I feel the pressure - some of it self-induced. Some of it just part of change. I have no complaints, really, I just feel stressed. I need to present with family when I'm with family. I need to stop multi-tasking and focus.
My epiphany through my therapeutic Slice of Life blogpost it that I'm NOT Superwoman(NUTS!). I need to cut myself some slack. I need to be easy on myself. Everything will take care of itself.